The days are getting tougher. I knew this would happen, as Will's due date approached. I can't get into the Christmas spirit, but I know I have to for my daughter. I feel like I am back in that u/s room again, when we first found out Will was gone. I feel like I did 3 months ago. I almost cried today at the pictures of a fairly new baby. Of course the proud grandpa couldn't just let it go that I didn't look, he kind of stood there waiting for the whole table to look. I know he just wanted to share his grandchild, but leave me the hell alone already.
There just seems to be gloom all around, as another mom has joined the 2cnd/3rd trimester loss board at BabyCenter. I almost cry seeing pregnant women again. I just thought I was dealing with this better than I am. I am tired today. I am tired of wearing my "poker" face that I put on every morning. It is the face that makes everyone think I am ok, but really I feel like I am dying inside. I am tired of trying to conceal how I really feel, but I don't want anyone to know either. I know how does that work? I am tired of the wind and cold. I am tired of more moms joining this unfair club.
On another note, the bracelet I had made in Will's memory came last week. It is more beautiful than I could have imagined. I still miss him everyday, actually I miss him more than ever today.
2 comments:
I'm so sorry. It all sucks. I am having a really difficult time looking at pregnant bellies and babies lately, too. And I definitely can't get into any Christmas spirit. Hugs.
I don't know how christmas will be this year. I was supposed to be so pregnant...and here I am not...
I keep all of us in my prayers every night. I try to think of more that I can do to make sure that everyone knows that Richard is not a distant memory. I want him to live through my eyes....even if no one else sees
Kristine
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