Friday, August 21, 2009

The Day my World Stopped Turning

One year ago today I sat in the waiting room. I was excited and impatient. I told my husband I wished they would hurry, I just couldn't wait to see this baby. I couldn't wait to see if it were a boy or a girl. I really felt boy, but I needed the confirmation. I remember thinking it was ok if we didn't get a confirmation on the sex, because a surprise would be fun too.
Little did I know in just minutes my world would stop and forever be shattered. Little did I know that even though I would pick up those pieces, there would always be a piece missing, one that we would never be able to put back in the picture of our life.
The last year has been filled with so many emotions. I couldn't wait to get to the New Year, and a new beginning. Little did I know of the trials that we would be faced with. I have learned to never think "it can't get any worse" because it can and it will.
I have and will continue to mourn the son I will never know. I thought after his estimated due date, the days would get easier. I was wrong. I went through every step of the pregnancy again this April, May, June, July and August. I remembered where I was as the week passed by and how far along I was. I remember so vividly this 4th of July being so happy last 4th of July because we had passed the 12 week mark. All the pain haunted me more than I would have ever imagined. Now here it is~ the one year mark of finding out my babies heart had stopped beating.
I miss you my dearest son, I think of you daily and not a minute goes by that I don't wish you were here with us on earth. I will meet you someday, and pray that you are watching over us from Heaven.

1 comment:

Heather Lee said...

Kelli, so many hugs to you as you are in the week of Will's anniversary. I have never visited your blog before. I don't know how I missed it. Hope Wednesday is a peaceful day for you. Take care....I'm thinking of you....

Heather...(from BBC)